This month, I lived two completely different lives. In one, I was dancing at Pikes in Ibiza until the sun came up. Pure joy, sweaty euphoria and, yes, I fell in the pool. Fully clothed. Somewhere between dancing to Grace Jones and pretending I still bounce back like a 20-something, I remembered what it felt like to let go. Just for a bit.
In the other life, my eldest has just finished school for the summer. Oh dear. I’m now back at my desk, trying to run a business while fielding a continuous loop of “Mum, I’m bored” and “Can I watch YouTube?”. There’s something about the school holidays that makes time both fly and stand still. My work calendar looks like a game of Tetris played by a toddler.
Meanwhile, my youngest has just started nursery. It’s a big move and, emotionally, a much bigger one for me than for her. She toddled in like she owned the place while I walked home with an empty buggy and a lump in my throat. The quiet is helpful but strangely loud all at once.
We’ve finally sorted the garden, just in time for whatever’s left of the British summer. There’s a bit of lawn, a paddling pool, and a barbecue that no one really knows how to light. The sun shows up just enough to tempt us outside and then disappears the moment we pour the rosé.
My emotions are all over the place. The freedom of Ibiza nights, the chaos of summer days, the emotion of letting go just a little more as your child grows up. Being a parent while running a business is never one thing. It’s messy, unpredictable, exhausting and, sometimes, magical.
August is shaping up to be an exciting one. I’ve decided it’s time to get fit, so I’m hiring a personal trainer. We are also off to camping, with a baby – crazy, I know. Wish me luck.
